Life is hard enough, why do we have to be so hard on ourselves? If we’re generally pretty good at being kind to, and having compassionate for, others, what’s the deal with that mean inner monologue?

Scientists believe that one reason is due to our “negativity bias”, wherein we evolved to be constantly scanning our environment for danger, training us to orient to what is, or potentially will, go wrong. Retraining something at integral as evolutionary hardwiring is not easy.

To that end, it’s helpful to have a bunch of self-healing tools at the ready. Here are three tools that may come in handy.

Get meta with meditation: Metacognition is when you are thinking about your thoughts rather than identifying with your thoughts. To give yourself an experience of this, try a few minutes of mindfulness.

Sit comfortably, with your back straight and shoulders relaxed.
Focus to the ground in front of you with your eyes closed only 3/4 of the way, so you’re still awake and present.
Turn your attention to your inhale and exhale. No need to count breaths, just pay attention.
As a thought arises, label it “thought” and let it go. When a physical feeling arises, label it “sensation” and let it go.
2. Anchor that energy: Anxiety can be helpful. It can motivate us to act and help us understand our feelings. However, sometimes that anxious feeling can get stuck in the body, or lock us in our heads. When we’re in our heads, it’s often a rumination about a future that has not yet happened, or regretful feelings about the past. To ground yourself in the moment, try 5-4-3-2-1. Take a deep breath and notice:
5 things you can see: don’t overthink, just make a mental list, or record in your journal
4 things you can physically feel: the chair under your legs, the shirt against your skin…
3 things you can hear: you don’t have to identify the origin of the sound, just notice
2 things you can smell: this may surprise you, we often don’t realize we smell anything at all
1 thing you can taste: some people carry a tin of mints for just this purpose

3. Grateful manifest: We physically cannot think two separate things at the same time. The next time unwanted thoughts intrude themselves into your consciousness, counterbalance with a reason to be grateful. For example when your day starts out rocky and everything seems to be going wrong, try a short circuiting the negative loop with a mantra like, “It’s going to be a great day, I don’t yet know how, but I know it will be.” Watch how like attracts like, and evidence will arise to prove your prediction.